Woman Wife Mama: A Black Woman’s Guide to Self-Care

We’ve discussed Wife and Mama, let’s dive into Woman for a bit. More specifically, the Black woman and her self-care. In my opinion, Black women are beginning to realize just how surface manicures and pedicures are, among a few other things, when it comes to true self-care. Sure, “look good, feel good” is absolutely a thing, and it’s necessary. However, when you consider the day-to-day of the Black woman, the way we care for ourselves deserves a little more depth. More than ever, I’m watching and listening as we trade our strong Black woman mentality for a softer, more deliberate way of moving through life. 

Self-care is subjective, so while we understand what it can be, let’s break down what it isn’t. Firstly, self-care isn’t a cop-out.

Can you really tend to yourself if you don’t face yourself?

That’s a discussion of its own, so I’ll keep it light-hearted and encourage you to honestly deal with the areas that need to be dealt with. The reward is sweeter that way. Self-care isn’t putting the fun and glamorous stuff first. It begins with the nitty-gritty. Schedule the annual well-visit. Create a financial plan to pay off the debt. Book the exercise class. Deep clean your home, and I mean really deep clean. Move the dresser that’s been in that corner for years. Pray. Do you see where I’m going?

Let the next point be a gentle reminder. You do not have to overextend yourself. I don’t know who convinced us that we must get it all done. Our days off have become like a rapid transit train, constantly going and going, filled with things and people and leaving us depleted by the end of the day. Lastly, self-care isn’t doing nothing. We ought to talk more about the difference between honest rest and inactivity. One replenishes. One drains. Excitement about a television show that feeds your soul is harmless, but a dent in the couch after five hours of Netflix is wild. View your self-care as essential rather than indulgent. Remember, the goal is to reset.

The ways in which Black women can go about their self-care are endless. As I grow and become, the way I love on myself has evolved. What once was solely externally focused has grown to look like; paying attention to my body, setting unmoveable boundaries, being aware of who I allow access to, having those hard conversations and conversely, declining conversations that aren’t fruitful.

One thing I’ve started doing is romanticizing my day. It makes a really sweet difference. Instead of rushing through my morning, I choose to make my coffee the way I actually like it. I even drink it from an aesthetically pleasing coffee mug. I’ll sit at my counter, pop open my planner and command my day. Sometimes I’ll book a pedicure and other times I’ll gather a pretty nail polish and a nail file to treat myself. All in all, self-care is meant to be beautiful. It has one purpose and that is to make us better. Better women, better wives, better mamas.

Signed, a Black woman, wife, and mama